Christmas Eve

Dear Christopher,

Merry Christmas Eve.  I wish I could tell you that in person.  This was supposed to be our first Christmas together.  I thought for sure we'd spend it together, whether it was here or in Missouri.  But I expected to wake up next to you this morning. Waking up alone sucks.  I miss you.

I let Elliott open the game today from us.  We both vetoed a little bit.  But he's having fun with it now.  He says he'll always think about you when he plays it.  And it will be happy memories.  He loves you so much baby.  This is hard on him.  I didn't realize how important you were to him until after you died.  But it didn't come as a surprise.  He's so much like you.  I have a feeling if you would have lived, people who didn't know he wasn't biologically yours probably would have told you "Your son is a lot like you."

So as I was trying to decide what to wear to church tonight, I was thinking about you. Like always.  I'm wearing a new dress that I think you would really like.  Although you probably would have said something about why are winter dresses short, and summer dresses long?  I kinda wonder that, too.  Haha.  The one I'm wearing tonight is a dark red, although I know that wouldn't especially matter to you.  I'm wearing it with black leggings.  The dress is almost knee length and v neck.  It will show off my "Chris" necklace nicely.  I miss you baby. I wish I had the real Chris here to show off instead. I love you.

I love and miss you so much, especially so close to Christmas.

Carla