Thank You

Dearest Christopher,

I miss you so much.  I haven't actually been crying when I woke up the last three mornings, but the weight in my chest is heavy.  You're still my first thought in the morning and my last one at night.  I love you. I'm still not sure how to accept that you're not coming back to me.  From the first time I saw you in person, I knew I belonged to you.  It was always you, Chris.  Always.  No matter how hard things were.  No matter how much you pushed me away.  You were always my choice.

Last night I was able to talk about you without crying the entire time.  I'm working hard on that.  I know I'll always be sad because of the way you left me.  I know we were supposed to be together.  But I'm working on smiling more and crying less when I think of you.  You were amazing.  You were strong.  You were brave.  And you were mine.  I have many wonderful memories of you.  Laughing and talking, cuddling, driving around.  I think what I miss the most is the way you looked when you were sleepy but trying to stay awake because I wouldn't shut up.

I know you weren't perfect.  And to be honest, I was an awful girlfriend sometimes.  But we were perfect together.  We were just exactly right and what the other one needed.

Thank you so much for coming into my life.  Thank you for teaching me so many valuable lessons.  Thank you for showing me how to trust again.  Thank you for everything.

I love you so much that I don't know how to live without you.  But I'm trying, baby.  I'm trying.

Carla