Two Weeks

Dear Christopher,

Mornings are definitely the hardest part of the day these days.  Waking up without you is terrible.  I woke up because of a text message this morning, but of course it wasn't you.  So I cried. I would give anything to wake up next to you one more time babe. I miss you and love you so much.

I sent you a message once that said in French they don't say I miss you, they say you're missing from me.  At the time I meant because you were a thousand miles away.  Now you really are missing from me.  And I struggle to handle that.  I am so in love with you.

It's been two weeks since you died.  The two most awful weeks in my existence.  I told you before I had been through some rough stuff.  And you know I had.  But none of that was anything like this.

People are ready for me to move on.  Guys are asking me out again. I just want friends, though, baby.  But I need someone.  Besides Elliott, Jon was the last one to really hug me. And that was over a week ago.  I needed to be hugged.  You always thought it was weird how much physical touch I needed.  I need it even more now.  Just a long hug.

It's almost thanksgiving.  I'm trying to remember to be thankful for everything I have. But the grief for everything I lost is intense.  I miss you.  I miss the plans I had with you for the future.  I miss everything about you.  If I could have you back, I'd do anything in my power to keep you with me forever.  I love you so much.

I talked to your mom a little yesterday.  She's struggling of course.  I wish I could do something to help her.  I'm praying for her though.  As bad as this is for me, I can't imagine how it is for her.

I love you more than I ever thought possible.

Carla