Almost Christmas

Dear Christopher,

Elliott's working on school work right now.  I know that if you were here he wouldn't be.  You guys would have convinced me that he should be off all this week and next week.  You guys would probably be playing video games right now. We'd have the lights on on the Christmas tree. And we would sit and talk about how excited we were for Christmas after Elliott goes to bed.  Instead, without you, there is no Christmas tree.  When Elliott finishes his math work and goes to bed, I'll sit and stare at my phone probably.  I might turn the tv on. But I probably won't really pay any attention.

I miss you so much. It's so hard living without you.  I know that just proves I love you, but it's hard.

Elliott wants a necklace like mine with a tag with your name on it. He wants a charm that says "A piece of my heart lives in heaven."  We both love you so much, Christopher.  I can't believe you left us. I can't believe that, even for a moment, you thought we would be better off without you.

I love you so much it hurts

Carla