Friday, December 18, 2015

I Miss Your Touch

Dear Christopher,

I miss you so much.  I love you so much.  I don't know who I am without you.  But I'm working on it.  That's all I can do for now I guess.

Every time I casually touch a guy, I miss touching you.  It could be a handshake, and I'm suddenly missing the way you held my hand.  Or maybe it's a quick brush of our hands when we're exchanging money, and I'm thinking about the way it felt when you'd run your hands down my arm so lightly.  Or it's a quick hug, and I'm suddenly nearly in tears thinking about the way it felt to be wrapped tightly in your arms.  I miss you so much.  I knew the first night I fell asleep with my arm around you that I never wanted to fall asleep next to anyone else again.  But now I can't sleep that way with you.  And it's so hard.  I miss you so much. I love you.

I hung out with a friend tonight.  He's a nice guy. He listens to me cry about you. He's supportive. But I miss you, when I'm with him.  Because I miss you all the time, but especially when I'm with another guy.  Christopher, you were supposed to be mine forever.

There's the ring that I wear now all the time.  I thought they would be great for when we pretended to be married.  And a good way to let you know just how serious I was about my love for you. Now I have both of them.  I really wish you were wearing the other one.  I love you so much.

I miss you baby!


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