I'm So Sorry

Dearest Christopher,

I love you. I miss you.  I wish you could come home. I know you can't.  But I've never wanted anything so bad in my life. How do I do this without you?   Why did you love me so much, and yet still leave me?  I thought I knew what heart break felt like.  But I had no idea. I had no idea about pain that makes you wish you were dead.  Not just because I miss you, but because the pain is so bad.  Baby I'm so sorry.  I'm so sorry. I should have done more for you.  I am so sorry.  I ruined our entire lives by not trying harder.  I'm so sorry.  If I had tried harder, and been a better girlfriend, you would be here with me right now.  I'm so sorry.  I loved you so much. But it wasn't enough. I'm sorry.

I love you more than I ever thought possible.  And I miss you even more than that.

Carla