Monday, December 28, 2015

Still Missing You

Dearest Christopher,

I miss you.  I decided not to write to you for a couple of days to see if it would make me miss you less.  It didn't.  You're still gone.  Even if I'm only talking to you in my mind, instead of online or on paper, it doesn't change anything.

You keep coming to me in my sleep and telling me to let you go.  Part of me feels guilty for even trying.  But part of me knows it is what is best for me.  No matter how much I want you to, you can't come back to me.  And I have to accept that.  I know you would want me to be happy.  You used to tell me you wanted me to be happy, and you'd let me go if you thought it would make me happy.  I always told you the same thing.  Turns out I didn't mean heaven.  Although I'm glad you're finally out of the intense pain you were in here.

Missing you is so hard.  Your other girl is having a hard time too I guess.  I've completely forgiven you for lying about how you felt about her.  Although it still hurts seeing her say stuff about you.

I love you Christopher.  I always will.  Thanks for choosing me to actually spend time with.  Thanks for choosing me as the person you wanted to fall asleep next to.  Thanks for choosing me as the person you would have committed to eventually. I love you still.

I miss you.


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