Saturday, December 12, 2015

Why Did You Have To Go?

Dearest Christopher,

I keep thinking I want to hang out with someone else.  Because I miss you so much.  But then I hang out with someone else, and I'm sad.  Because it just makes me miss you. Because you're who I want to be hanging out with. I wish you were here.  Last night Elliott and I met a friend at Planet Pizza.  When I watched Elliott and him play a game together I almost cried.  I kept thinking about how much fun you would have had playing with him there.  Like you did at Chuck E Cheese's in October.  We lost so much when we lost you.  We both love and miss you so much.

I never was so sure of anything in my life as I was that you belonged with me.  I was absolutely positive that God placed you in my life because we were supposed to get married and have a family together.  You were so perfect for me.  And you and Elliott got along so well. And you guys missed each other when you were apart.  I had no doubt you were the step father he was supposed to have.  And now you aren't here.  And we're both so heartbroken.  Baby why did you leave us?  Why weren't we enough?  I love you Christopher.  I'm still positive I've never loved anyone like I love you.   You told me I told you that, when I was half asleep on benadryl, when I couldn't have lied even if I had wanted to.  It's always been true, Chris.  It's always been you. No one else ever has been able to hold a candle to you.  I love you like I've never loved anyone else.  And like no one else has ever loved you.

I miss you so much


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