Good morning handsome. I miss you. I have my first real therapy appointment today. I'm pretty nervous. I hope it will help. I need to talk to someone. I just miss you and love you so much. And I'm so angry. I can't believe you did this to us! I know you didn't do it on purpose, so I'm not really angry at you, just angry in general. Because this really really sucks. I want you to come home!!
Yesterday I paid bills like I always do on the first of the month. When I pulled up the phone bill and saw how few texts I've sent/received and how few minutes I've talked, it hit me all over again. I paid the last bill yesterday that will ever include texts and calls to/from you. I hate that babe. I could not stop crying. How do I go the rest of my life never hearing your voice say "Baby? I love you" or reading a text that says "I miss you babe. I can't sleep without you next to me." I miss you so much Christopher. This is so unfair. You were way too young to die and leave me here alone. And the suckiest thing is that I was "just the girlfriend" so I'm supposed to be over you already. How do I ever get over the loss of the love of my life, though??
I know our relationship was far from perfect. But I never wanted a perfect relationship. I wanted a real one, and I had that with you. Even when we fought I never doubted, for even one minute, that you loved me anyway, and that we belonged together. When we broke up, I couldn't imagine my life without you. And it seems you couldn't imagine yours without me either. But now I'm forced to live mine without you. And I just don't know how to do it.
I love you so much it hurts