Sunday, December 6, 2015

You Were Brave and Strong

Dearest Christopher,

I love you so much.  Sundays are so hard. Today marks four weeks since I last heard your voice.  And I miss it SO much.  I miss everything about you, though.  Even the things I didn't always like.  I would give anything to hear you say anything to me right now, even if it was "Babe? Can you get off me? I'm tired of cuddling."  Haha.  I hope you always knew how much I appreciated you cuddling with me even though you didn't especially like it.  I love you.

Today I read this thing about how we choose life partners.  It said we look for partners that have the qualities we wish we had, and partners that have something we were lacking from our childhood.  The qualities you had that I want are bravery, strength, and a fighting spirit.  Those were some of my favorite things about you.  I remember you asked me once why I was in love with you when we were so different.  I love you. And I loved the qualities I just listed.  Plus you were funny, cute, loving, and sweet.

If I had to guess, the qualities you were looking for and found in me were optimism, happiness, and the ability to love so completely with all of me, no matter what.

I'm not sure I'm still that same girl now, though.  And I'm not sure I'll ever be her again.  But I'm trying to become a better version of myself, because of you.  I hope I make you proud, baby.

I love you so much it hurts.


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