One Month

Dearest Christopher,

I love you so much. I miss everything about you.  One month ago my entire world shattered, when you left it. This has been the longest month of my life, but also the shortest. It almost seems as if time has lost all meaning without you.  I miss you.

Three months ago today you and I were together.  When I finally convinced you to get out of bed we went to Chicago.  We had a wonderful day there together.  We went to a museum, we went to Navy Pier and we made plans for things we would do next time we went to Chicago, planning on taking Elliott the next time.  We had a long heart to heart talk about our pasts.  I told you I didn't care about your past, I just wanted your future.  You told me you didn't deserve me, but were glad I was yours.  We held hands.  Strangers told us we were perfect together.  The man who took our picture even told you you should marry me.  It was a perfect day, and I remember thanking God for giving you to me while we were on the Ferris wheel.

In the car you told me if you could live anywhere it would be North Dakota because that's where your future wife lived.  You said you would live wherever I did, because I was what mattered.  You switched from saying "If we get married..." to "when we're married..."  I noticed.  It made me so happy.  I always knew we were supposed to get married.  The next morning I said "Hey babe?  Thanks for the perfect day."  You said "It was the best day of my life."  It really was a fantastic day baby.  I'm glad we had it together.  I always thought I'd give you many more fantastic days, but I'm so glad we had that one, and that I know it meant a lot to you, too.

I don't know how everything spun out of control over the next two months.  It seems so crazy that you could go from the best day of your life to the worst of mine so quickly.  But you did.  And I miss you so much.

A month into our relationship I told the guy in Florida that I loved you, and I thought you loved me too. A few days later you told me you did.  And it was one of the happiest days of my life. I knew already that we were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives.  We were together for the rest of yours.  Now how do I live the rest of mine without you?

I love you so much, Christopher.

Carla