Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Sleeping Pills?

Dear Christopher,

Apparently I'm supposed to try to get sleeping pills from my doctor.  I know, you told me I needed something when you were still alive. But I'm sure I really do now.  I'm tired all the time.  I don't sleep much.  I miss you.  It's hard sleeping without you.  It's even harder to go back to sleep when I wake up fully and remember all over again that you aren't coming back to me baby.  I miss you.  And I love you so much.

I'm in my bed tonight because Darla is sleeping over.  I hate sleeping here alone.  You're supposed to be sleeping next to me baby.  You promised.  It's so unfair.  I hate sleeping alone.  I have Trixie. And I love her.  But I want you, too.  I am so in love with you.  I don't know how to move forward.  My heart is still shattered.  I can barely function sometimes.  I need you baby.  Living without you really sucks.  I just want you to be here.  And you can't.  And that's heartbreaking.

We are getting so close to Christmas. I'm ready for it to be over.  I'm letting Elliott open the present from "us" on Christmas eve.  Because I know I'll cry.   I so wanted you here with us for Christmas.  My therapist told me it's ok if I need to take breaks to cry, or write during Christmas.  And I probably will.

I love you so much.


No comments:

Post a Comment